to sub or not to sub

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Earlier today, I was subbing at a local elementary school and my last class was a rough one. I started a post earlier sharing the difficulty of it, how it got to me and how helpless I felt not knowing how to proceed. However, after returning home, while my music was playing and I was loading the dishwasher, a thought entered my mind. ‘My hearts desire is to love on the kids I encounter. I don’t know where they come from or where they are going, but in my presence they will be loved.’ I lost sight of that today. Frustration got the better of me; doubt and uncertainty were in charge. I wish there was a light bulb that had gone off in my head but there wasn’t. It was just hard.

However, if at the end of a day where I almost cried in front of some first graders, I have the desire to go back, I know I am in a good place. When my heart wishes I was subbing with them one more day to show them I care, I know I’ve come upon something good. I am thankful for these challenges, though I don’t have all the answers and have more learning to do, I am a lucky gal who gets to spend my days within my community.

I don’t find it a coincidence that this happened the week of Valentines Day. I have always viewed Love Day not as a romantic celebration but another opportunity to show the ones I love how much they mean to me. In different seasons of my life that was my parents, my siblings, friends, classmates, roommates, co-workers, teachers and now my husband and my daughter and those that are connected to me through her world (her teachers, friends, etc). This year I am reminded of the new people in my life whom I am learning to love, the students I encounter as a substitute teacher. May I continue to be challenged and learn how to show them that they are valued, important, special and loved!

“no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.  Love never gives up.”

1 Corinthians 13 : 3 – 4 MSG

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